Author: Carolyn

I am a Christian, a sinner saved by God's amazing grace. Much like my life, my blog is a work in progress. The main objective I have for this blog is to "proclaim the praises" of the One who called me out of darkness and into His marvelous light! (1 Peter 2:9)

Waiting on God

Carolyn

I am too exhausted to blog, but too full of praises not to!

I’ve been running like crazy the last week getting ready for the new school year to begin. We have faculty/staff orientation and training beginning tomorrow. We have an amazing group of teachers joining us this year that God has faithfully provided. Several wonderful teachers trained in this classical model sought out our school without us having to even search! We have seen God’s hand of blessing on this endeavor since the very beginning, and those are stories I will love to share when I have time.

But for now, I have another simple praise. My husband has received an offer for a book contract! Though he has published an academic book (he is a theology professor), he started writing fiction on the side and began working on his first book. In God’s perfect ways and timing, a publishing house that he submitted it to wants to publish it!

We are excited to see how what we felt like was God’s leading in this turn into a reality. You pray and believe that you are moving where God is leading, but then there is often a wait in between the thought and the reality. And in this case, there was a long wait! But it’s a sweet time of excitement that his story and characters will actually come to life. We are thankful, and we know this is from the Lord. We want to give Him all the praise and glory!

Happy Birthday!

Carolyn

Psalm 145:6 “Men shall speak of the power of Your awesome acts, and I will tell of Your greatness.”

On July 29, 2000, just before 5:00 p.m., we welcomed the arrival of our precious daughter at 27 weeks, 1 day. Her due date was October 27, 2000. Though I had been in the hospital 23 days and was ready to be at the end of such intense physical pain, I knew that the end of my pain would mean the beginning of hers.

Because I was under general anesthesia for the c-section, it took several hours for me to wake up and regain clear vision. When I did at around 3:00 a.m., I told my husband, “I can see; show me the pictures!” He turned on the light in my hospital room and handed me the two polaroids that the nurses had taken. There she was, so small, looking just like her older brother did at birth (he was 9 lbs.), but smaller (she was 2 lbs.), and with a severe grimace on her face, with tubes everywhere. I cried out, “We have to pray right now!” It’s all I knew to do, helpless as we were.

As we prayed, the neonatologist came in: “I saw your light on…. I was hoping I would find you awake to talk to you… she’s touch and go…. we don’t know what will happen….” She had had a reaction to something called surfactant, a substance given to help premature babies’ underdeveloped lungs. They had sucked it back out, and she was on full vent, maximum oxygen, struggling for her little life. That wasn’t the only problem, but one of many.

The following day, I was wheeled to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit to see her for the first time. She was on a small rectangular flat bed, covered over tightly with what looked like a piece of saran wrap. I just looked at her and talked to her and prayed for her.

I spent the next 3 months going back and forth to the hospital, taking care of my son at home and taking care of her in the hospital. Little by little, day by day, enduring many ups and downs, we got to her original due date and discharge on October 27, 2000.

I saw God’s hand in so many details. We have so many amazing stories of this time. The verse at the top is significant to me because it’s one the Lord gave me as I was awaiting her eye surgery. She had “retinopathy of prematurity” which had advanced to stage 3, level 2. ROP has 5 stages with stage 4 being retinal detachment and stage 5 being blindness. They were prepared to do the surgery at her stage 3 to stop the rapid progression. I was told that the surgery was effective in 80% of the cases, but I also knew that the surgery could bring long term negative side effects regarding her vision. We prayed intensely for the 3 days leading up to the surgery.

The day of the surgery arrived, and they sent me across the hall to the waiting room so they could check her eyes before they began. As I continued praying, I opened the Bible in the waiting room and saw this verse from Psalm 145:6 “Men shall speak of the power of Your awesome acts, and I will tell of Your greatness.” I knew in my heart at that moment that she would not need the surgery, that it would be an awesome act on her behalf, and that I should profess to the eye surgeons God’s greatness.

The nurse came to get me very soberly, saying, “They want to see you now.” As I walked into the NICU, the two doctors were standing there, and they turned around to see me with their faces beaming. “We wouldn’t have expected this!” one of them said. “Her eyes have improved! They’re not totally better, but we aren’t going to do the surgery. We’ll come back and check them in a few days.” Though her eyes were followed regularly for the next several months, she never needed surgery and today is only borderline for glasses (slightly nearsighted). I told the doctors, “The Lord did this” and did testify to His greatness.

This is just one example of many where I saw God intimately concerned about the details of our lives. In fact, I would tell people when I would tell them about her in the days and years that followed that “we saw God in every detail”!

About 4 or 5 years after she was born, I found a journal I had kept when I was pregnant. At that time in my life, I did not regularly journal, but every so often, would attempt it, and it would last for a few entries, then be set aside! So I was surprised these years later to find an old journal with a few entries of when I had been pregnant. I read and found that I had been in a bit of a spiritual pit, not seeking the Lord as I should, feeling very depressed. I journaled as I was flying to Memphis about the pregnancy and not knowing what was going on, but it didn’t seem right. I then wrote something to the effect of “I would hate for something horrible to have to happen to my baby to make me see that God is involved in all life’s details.”

Stunned. I was simply stunned by this. How could I have written this and gone on to have this premature baby who did indeed teach me that God cared for us in every detail of our lives! This was the reality I had learned that I had verbalized to everyone since her birth. And here I was reading this journal entry that that’s what I had been needing to be convinced of. And I was. And God is good. And His ways are right. And I love Him. And I give Him praise. And I thank Him for being in all life’s details.

Today, she is a healthy (though still small), 8 year old little girl. She loves stuffed animals, arts & crafts, writing, reading her Bible, but most importantly, she loves God. I am sharing above a picture from family camp last week. They did facepainting at the carnival at camp, and she asked if she could have this painting on her face.

She writes poetry constantly. Below is just one of her poems. They are always very theological and praiseworthy. When I wonder where she gets these thoughts, I am reminded of all those prayers when she was in the incubator that God would be close to her when no one else could be there or hold her. I trusted that He held her, and I see indications that He has made Himself known to her in very real and powerful ways. I praise Him for all He has done and all He will do in this precious one’s life.

Jesus, I love You

“Jesus, I’ll tell people about You,
Then they’ll actually know You’re true.
So that’s why Your love keeps pouring out over me;
Because I love You and I know You’re holy.
So breathe into me breath so I can tell people about You
And then they’ll know You, too!
So Jesus, You’ll be in my heart forever
And stop loving You is what I’ll do NEVER!
Because You are my King,
and You love everyone and everything!
And I’ll meet you in the holy place;
and then I can actually see Your face!”

Praise You, Lord! We weren’t promised 8 seconds, 8 minutes, or 8 days, and yet, here we are at 8 years! You have been gracious to us, patient with us, revealed Yourself to us, and lovingly helped us. To You alone be the glory!

Family Camp 2008

Carolyn

We are with my husband’s family in New York for a family camp this week. My father-in-law and our brother-in-law (both of whom are in ministry) are the speakers, and the entire family decided to come along. The children are having great fun with their cousins. We have had plenty of entertainment with miniature golf, arts & crafts, rock wall climbing, playing at the beach, going to the camp’s carnival, sending the children to their classes while we attend teaching sessions, enjoying the concerts put on by the camp, and eating much delicious food.
I never much cared for camp growing up. 2 weeks was a long time to be away, and I always missed my family. This, though, as a family, is actually a lot of fun! I don’t feel homesick having everyone together. This is an ideal arrangement, especially when the children are younger.

I’m enjoying some time, too, to reflect on being a wife and mom. I’ve not ever considered these roles in life as much of a “calling” as I necessarily have other things. For example, when we helped start a school, God gave us a clear “calling.” Many things in life leave me with a sense of calling. Funny how with perhaps the most important roles I have, I’ve never thought about them in this way. And maybe God hasn’t made a particular “call” regarding being a wife and mom simply because it’s so obvious: it’s what I am!

After spending the last 2 years helping get a school started and at times being all consumed by it, I feel God calling me back to these most important roles. Over the last month or so, I’ve realized it over and over again in very specific ways. With my children, I know these days are short, and I don’t have long to pour into these precious lives, these gifts from God. I will continue to work at the school in the job I love, but my prayer is this year will be marked by balance and that each role I have will be put in its proper place.

I praise the Lord today that He has given us the gift of family and that He has taught us in His Word how to act and live as a family in relationship to one another and in relationship to Him. I praise Him that He is able to make all grace abound toward us. I need His help. In nothing else do I see my inadequacies so greatly. In this, as in all things, I must exchange my weakness for His strength and yield to His Spirit’s leading. He will no doubt give me joy in this call as I trust and obey Him. May He renew and revive each of our hearts in this home so that we may all walk in the fullness of Him!

The God Who Can Be Known

Carolyn

“The man who would know God must give time to Him.” A. W. Tozer

I am reading The Divine Conquest by A. W. Tozer, and I’ve been thinking a lot this week about this statement he made early in the book. This has been the key to my knowing God — spending time with Him each day in His Word (the Bible) and in prayer. How incredible to think that we have a God who can be known!

For many years of my life, I learned about God in church and at school, and I believed what I heard. But there were only small periods of time through the years where I would take the time to personally study the Bible on my own. I knew so much intellectually that I didn’t even realize that my heart was far from God. People thought I was nice and I thought I was doing ok.

Once I had children, I spent more time studying parenting books and reading baby magazines than reading my Bible! I was obsessed with having everyone healthy and absolutely fell apart in fear if my son got so much as a fever! I wanted to have complete control over everything, and I wasn’t even aware of the fact that I was desiring so many things instead of God.

When we moved to a new city, I began to study God’s Word. I joined Women’s Bible Study at my church. I studied things like the book of John, the book of Mark, and the book of Judges. I also participated in summer Bible studies with friends where we would typically do a Beth Moore Bible study, such as Jesus the One and Only, where we studied the book of Luke.

It didn’t happen instantaneously, but through the continued study of God’s Word and in prayer, He began to reveal Himself to me in power. No longer was I simply having knowledge of the Bible given to me by someone else; I was beginning to know God more and more and find that He can be known. In fact, He promises that in Hebrews 11:6 — He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

My faith used to be like someone looking in the rear view mirror. I would pray and then after the fact, look back and see what God had done. But now, God is right here with me, making Himself known as I pray about things and speaking to me through the Bible and through His Spirit in me. He walks me through life. He is not absent! He is here in my every day.

So I praise Him for the gift of salvation through His Son, Jesus. I praise Him for the Bible. I praise Him for prayer where, through Christ, I can commune with Him. And I praise Him for the gift of His Spirit which is given to those who believe on Him.

These are truly amazing gifts, too wonderful for words, too vast to comprehend, too marvelous to completely understand! But they are real, they are powerful, and they are freely given to those who believe Him and seek His face! Praise You, Lord!

Praise to a Powerful God

Carolyn

Exodus 15:2 “The LORD is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation; He is my God, and I will praise Him; My father’s God, and I will exalt Him.”

I am team teaching the 2nd and 3rd grade Sunday school classes at church this summer, and it was my week to give the lesson. We have been studying Exodus and how God delivered His people, the Israelites, from slavery in Egypt. Last week, we learned about the 10 plagues. Today, it was on the Israelites’ crossing the Red Sea on dry ground. We talked about what a powerful God we have, and how our response should be to praise Him as the people did in Exodus 15!

Just as God rescued His people from slavery in Egypt, so He rescues from the slavery of sin anyone who believes on the name of His Son, Jesus, who died for our sins and rose again! We can live a life of hope and praise Him for giving us salvation!

As I think about ways I’ve seen God work powerfully in my life, I remember 8 years ago this very day. While living in Virginia, but visiting family in Memphis, I was 5 months pregnant, or 23 weeks, 6 days to be exact. My pregnancy had not been easy from the start, but we were not aware of the seriousness of the situation. Things worsened in Memphis, and I was admitted to the hospital, with the doctors telling us they would do their best to save my life and the life of my baby.

For the next 23 days, the doctors did all they could to sustain the pregnancy. My daughter was born later that month, 3 months before her due date. She spent the next 3 months in the hospital in Memphis. Our short vacation turned into an almost 6 month stay!

As I remember those days, I remember God’s mighty power. We truly saw His hand at work in every detail. There were little miracles along the way and things that the doctors could not explain. The condition I had during my pregnancy was incompatible with life. The perinatologist made it very clear: “Your baby is a miracle. People don’t believe in miracles today, but she is a miracle.”

So I praise Him today, not just for taking us safely through that time, but for the lessons He taught me through the suffering. God’s design and ways are perfect, and He used that pain to lift my eyes to Him, to help me begin to long to know Him. These were just the seeds being planted that would grow into full bloom over the coming years. And as they did, He gave me great joy that I didn’t know was possible.