Author: Carolyn

I am a Christian, a sinner saved by God's amazing grace. Much like my life, my blog is a work in progress. The main objective I have for this blog is to "proclaim the praises" of the One who called me out of darkness and into His marvelous light! (1 Peter 2:9)

September 2012

Carolyn
On Thursday I had arthroscopic knee surgery to try to resolve the issues I’ve had this month with pain in my knee, swelling, and not being able to walk well. The x-ray had shown what looked like a loose bone fragment, though the orthopedist seemed skeptical.

During surgery, he discovered that there was no bone fragment; rather, I have degenerative arthritis that has been causing the problems. He was able to smooth off the bones (if I understood correctly) to try to bring some relief.

I don’t really know much more at this point. I will go for my post-op visit on October 9 and find out more, I guess. It took me by surprise. I had hoped the surgery would be an easy fix to my problem, but it really only identified the real problem which may not be so easily fixed.

There’s no way to know how quickly this will progress. I am young to have it, and they don’t know what causes it. He told me some of the treatments, none of which I want. I’m hoping the surgery will help stabilize my knee and give me some time to try some different easier things.

Since this started on September 1st, I’ve been meditating on James 1, and I recited it over and over the day of surgery. “Consider it all joy, my beloved brethren, when you encounter various trials knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

Can I consider this unexpected trial a joy as it might produce in me endurance and a maturing of faith? The post yesterday about who I am listening to is timely for me because I must speak truth to this situation, and not listen to any other voice (not even my own) but His.

Already I sense the Lord’s nearness to me. I’ve shared before how God uses music and specific songs in my life. When we got in the car to drive home from the surgery, I turned on the radio, and this song (at the end of this post) was just starting. I’m not saying in this case this was a specific word from the Lord to me through this song, but it did make tears start to stream down my face. At the same time, my husband shouted out, “Do you hear this? Do you hear the words to this song? It’s your song for this!”
Then I came home and ran across this post by a friend of ours. Not only did he mention my life verse of 2 Cor. 12:9 and speak such beautiful truth about joy in times of difficulty or darkness, but one of the people who commented wrote out the verses I had been reciting all day from James 1.
I’ve seen God work miracles and healing in our lives. I don’t doubt His ability to heal me and help me in this or just slow the progression. But I know he doesn’t always choose to do that. With whatever the days ahead hold, the things I can be certain of are that He is with me, that He has a plan, that He has good for me, that He loves me, that He is in control, that my life is His, that He will be near to me, and that all things are possible with Him. I pray I keep my eyes fixed on Him and hear His Word and trust in Him alone.

Who Am I Listening To?

Carolyn

We are studying the Storyline of the Bible in Women’s Bible Study this year. The first week was about creation and the fall. I left thinking again about Eve listening to the serpent. God had already said that if they ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they would surely die (Gen. 2:17). His word was clear. And yet when she started listening to the serpent, things didn’t seem as clear. The serpent said to Eve, “You surely shall not die!” (Gen. 3:4)

I am reading a book my mom gave me by Martyn Lloyd-Jones called Spiritual Depression. No, I don’t feel spiritually depressed, but it is an excellent book. Lloyd-Jones writes,

“…the ultimate cause of spiritual depression is unbelief. For if it were not for unbelief even the devil could do nothing. It is because we listen to the devil instead of listening to God that we go down before him and fall before his attacks. That is why the psalmist keeps on saying to himself: ‘Hope thou in God for I shall yet praise Him…’ He reminds himself of God.” (emphasis added)

I want to know God and listen to His Word.

Jesus says in John 8:32, “You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.”

He then asked in John 8:43-44, “Why do you not understand My speech? Because you are not able to listen to my word. You are of your father the devil, and the desires of your father you want to do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources; for he is a liar and the father of it.” (emphasis added)

By contrast, in John 8:47, Jesus says, “He who is of God hears God’s words.”

Interestingly, Jesus goes on in John 8 to say in verses 51 and 52 that if anyone keeps his word, he shall never see or taste death.  This takes me right back to the garden. If you eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (essentially, if you disobey what God has said), you will surely die. Here in John 8, if you keep his word, you shall never see death.

What incredible contrasts between God versus Satan; life versus death; truth versus lies; obedience and subsequent blessing versus disobedience (or sin) and resulting judgment.

Genesis 3 makes it clear we needed a Savior. Thank you, Jesus, for being the serpent-crusher and rescuing us from sin and death through faith in You!

So who am I listening to? May I always listen to you, Lord, and believe You and speak truth to the lies that come against me.

Tomorrow, I’ll tell you why this is so important to me today.

Reflections on 9/11

Carolyn

First, to follow up my last blog post, I must note that it’s amazing what a shot of cortisone can do! I have been walking this week, and my knee is improving daily. I’ll go on Friday to see if surgery is necessary or if his “heroic attempt” to avoid it has worked! The waiting has been challenging, but good.

I was thinking back to what I was doing 11 years ago today. I suspect we all do that, try to remember that moment of where we were when our world seemed to change forever.

For me, I had a 1 year old preemie and an almost 3 year old. The picture was a normal day: me trying to get the baby to eat (“please just take a sip of this bottle!”), while I planted my son in front of Barney or Dora or some show like that until I could get her fed. This was our biggest preemie challenge. I remember somehow getting them safely situated and grabbing a quick shower. Then my mom phoned for me to turn on the TV. I remember her words, “Our country is under attack!” And just like that, it seemed life changed.

We had a friend from church, high school, and college whose brother died in the towers. He made it out safely, but kept going back in to help people. I’m sure we are all connected to someone who lost his or her life that day.

Today, as I remembered what I was doing, I couldn’t help but think how this was so sudden, so unexpected, so life changing, so shocking, so horrible, so unbelievable — there really aren’t enough words — or the right words.

And that question: “What was I doing when it happened?”

Maybe because I spent time in the book of Matthew this morning reading about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, my thoughts turned another direction. Jesus was preparing to die, and He asked his disciples to watch and pray. Each time Jesus returned, He found them sleeping. The time was at hand, and they seemed unaware. Jesus was distressed. They seemed oblivious.

It made me think about Jesus’ return. Should He return in my lifetime, it will be sudden and at an unexpected hour. Like a thief in the night (1 Thess.5:2). It will change everything. (And I realize that moment doesn’t parallel with the moment of 9/11, so covered in evil. It will be vastly different, our righteous and sovereign Lord returning!)

How will He find me? What will I be doing? Sleeping? Lazy? Distracted? Sinning? Satisfying my selfish desires? Or ready? Waiting? Doing His work in this world?

Another question then: “What am I doing right now, and what will I be doing?”

Watch and pray. Is this the key? “Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit is indeed willing, but the flesh is weak” (Mt. 26:41).

I prayed this morning. I wanted to see if I could pray for an hour as Jesus had asked His disciples to do (Mt. 26:36-46). I somehow am always able to think about anything and let my mind wander, but could I focus on prayer? It was an enriching time, a large part of it necessarily spent in confession (yesterday was not good, but that’s another story!). But also praise and petition and thanksgiving. We draw near to God, and He draws near to us (James 4:8).

Oh, Lord, let me live a watchful and prayerful life, ready for you, found waiting with expectation!

And praise You, Lord, that one day You will return and wipe every tear from our eyes. You will put an end to all evil and make all things right. Praise You, Lord. You are worthy of all our worship. Thank You, Jesus. Be glorified.

“And behold, I am coming soon.” Come, Lord Jesus! (Rev. 22:7, 20)

Waiting

Carolyn

I have been mostly in bed since Saturday with an injured knee. I don’t know how I did it exactly. The pain has been increasing over the last few months, finally to the point I couldn’t walk. I decided then maybe it was time to go to the doctor!

After x-rays, he discovered some sort of loose body or fragment in the bone joint. I had an MRI on Tuesday, and I can’t see the orthopedist until Friday.

So I wait. I suppose the Labor Day weekend slowed this process some. It started out feeling a little bit retreat like! I listened at home on Sunday to our church service. I caught up on my Beth Moore Bible Study on Esther and watched a couple of the videos. I read, prayed, emailed, surfed blogs and Facebook, and even became so bored as to join Twitter! (That’s another story!)

By the time, though, that I finished the retreat-like aspect of my knee journey, I suddenly came to be bothered by the wait, by not being able to jump up and do things, by not being able to go to work, irritated with the discomfort.

But God is in this. He is in the waiting. He has permitted these days for a reason. I want to discover it and pray it has something of an eternal purpose. I want to trust Him more. Fear overtook me in the night suddenly. But His Word and prayer and the remembrance of who He is and all that He has done in my life brought comfort. Not immediately. It took deliberate focus of my thoughts to allow Him to move me from fear to more faith, but after two hours, I was in a much better place.

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-4

I pray this day will be spent not so scattered, so feeling torn by what I should be doing but cannot do, but more restful, relaxed, and focused on Him. And may He be glorified in some way through this.

I have much for which to praise Him. My mom is now living in town and able to cook for us and help me. My husband has had flexibility with his schedule and helped keep the house clean and laundry going, staying home with me two days this week. My children have not been demanding, but have helped me get things I need. This is in the grand scheme of life but a small trial, but it reminds me of the many gifts God has given me, and I praise and thank Him.

The Last Week and the New Academic Year

Carolyn

It’s been a big week for us. A humbling week. A week of seeing God’s faithful provision.

My mom’s house sold, and my husband drove to Memphis this weekend to pack her things and move them here. We unloaded everything Sunday afternoon with the help of four friends — what a wonderful gift! The move could not have gone more smoothly. Every detail went just as planned and organized. I was so thankful for that answered prayer!

Monday night we went to the faculty dinner where my husband teaches.

Then Tuesday we all started back: my husband to in-service, my children to a half day of school, and me back in my work schedule.

First Day of School
Tonight we finished the James Bible Study. It was truly a wonderful study. I think we all learned so much. It’s been beautiful to see the things the Lord has done in our lives over the course of the eight weeks of this study as we’ve prayed for one another and studied together.
 
Last Night of Bible Study (I took the picture!)

I am very tired tonight after this last week of moving and starting the new school year. We even painted my daughter’s room since my mom was bringing her a new bedroom set of furniture. We still have things all over the place to organize, but soon. I just need to get to the weekend! But I want to praise the Lord for His goodness to us in all of these things and for providing for every need. I am grateful!

I’ll end the post with another Matt Redman song from his CD that I am loving. I got it at Lifeway a week or two ago for $5! Couldn’t pass it up, and these songs are wonderful. This is “Never Once.”