Reflections on 9/11

Carolyn

First, to follow up my last blog post, I must note that it’s amazing what a shot of cortisone can do! I have been walking this week, and my knee is improving daily. I’ll go on Friday to see if surgery is necessary or if his “heroic attempt” to avoid it has worked! The waiting has been challenging, but good.

I was thinking back to what I was doing 11 years ago today. I suspect we all do that, try to remember that moment of where we were when our world seemed to change forever.

For me, I had a 1 year old preemie and an almost 3 year old. The picture was a normal day: me trying to get the baby to eat (“please just take a sip of this bottle!”), while I planted my son in front of Barney or Dora or some show like that until I could get her fed. This was our biggest preemie challenge. I remember somehow getting them safely situated and grabbing a quick shower. Then my mom phoned for me to turn on the TV. I remember her words, “Our country is under attack!” And just like that, it seemed life changed.

We had a friend from church, high school, and college whose brother died in the towers. He made it out safely, but kept going back in to help people. I’m sure we are all connected to someone who lost his or her life that day.

Today, as I remembered what I was doing, I couldn’t help but think how this was so sudden, so unexpected, so life changing, so shocking, so horrible, so unbelievable — there really aren’t enough words — or the right words.

And that question: “What was I doing when it happened?”

Maybe because I spent time in the book of Matthew this morning reading about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, my thoughts turned another direction. Jesus was preparing to die, and He asked his disciples to watch and pray. Each time Jesus returned, He found them sleeping. The time was at hand, and they seemed unaware. Jesus was distressed. They seemed oblivious.

It made me think about Jesus’ return. Should He return in my lifetime, it will be sudden and at an unexpected hour. Like a thief in the night (1 Thess.5:2). It will change everything. (And I realize that moment doesn’t parallel with the moment of 9/11, so covered in evil. It will be vastly different, our righteous and sovereign Lord returning!)

How will He find me? What will I be doing? Sleeping? Lazy? Distracted? Sinning? Satisfying my selfish desires? Or ready? Waiting? Doing His work in this world?

Another question then: “What am I doing right now, and what will I be doing?”

Watch and pray. Is this the key? “Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit is indeed willing, but the flesh is weak” (Mt. 26:41).

I prayed this morning. I wanted to see if I could pray for an hour as Jesus had asked His disciples to do (Mt. 26:36-46). I somehow am always able to think about anything and let my mind wander, but could I focus on prayer? It was an enriching time, a large part of it necessarily spent in confession (yesterday was not good, but that’s another story!). But also praise and petition and thanksgiving. We draw near to God, and He draws near to us (James 4:8).

Oh, Lord, let me live a watchful and prayerful life, ready for you, found waiting with expectation!

And praise You, Lord, that one day You will return and wipe every tear from our eyes. You will put an end to all evil and make all things right. Praise You, Lord. You are worthy of all our worship. Thank You, Jesus. Be glorified.

“And behold, I am coming soon.” Come, Lord Jesus! (Rev. 22:7, 20)

Waiting

Carolyn

I have been mostly in bed since Saturday with an injured knee. I don’t know how I did it exactly. The pain has been increasing over the last few months, finally to the point I couldn’t walk. I decided then maybe it was time to go to the doctor!

After x-rays, he discovered some sort of loose body or fragment in the bone joint. I had an MRI on Tuesday, and I can’t see the orthopedist until Friday.

So I wait. I suppose the Labor Day weekend slowed this process some. It started out feeling a little bit retreat like! I listened at home on Sunday to our church service. I caught up on my Beth Moore Bible Study on Esther and watched a couple of the videos. I read, prayed, emailed, surfed blogs and Facebook, and even became so bored as to join Twitter! (That’s another story!)

By the time, though, that I finished the retreat-like aspect of my knee journey, I suddenly came to be bothered by the wait, by not being able to jump up and do things, by not being able to go to work, irritated with the discomfort.

But God is in this. He is in the waiting. He has permitted these days for a reason. I want to discover it and pray it has something of an eternal purpose. I want to trust Him more. Fear overtook me in the night suddenly. But His Word and prayer and the remembrance of who He is and all that He has done in my life brought comfort. Not immediately. It took deliberate focus of my thoughts to allow Him to move me from fear to more faith, but after two hours, I was in a much better place.

“Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2-4

I pray this day will be spent not so scattered, so feeling torn by what I should be doing but cannot do, but more restful, relaxed, and focused on Him. And may He be glorified in some way through this.

I have much for which to praise Him. My mom is now living in town and able to cook for us and help me. My husband has had flexibility with his schedule and helped keep the house clean and laundry going, staying home with me two days this week. My children have not been demanding, but have helped me get things I need. This is in the grand scheme of life but a small trial, but it reminds me of the many gifts God has given me, and I praise and thank Him.

The Last Week and the New Academic Year

Carolyn

It’s been a big week for us. A humbling week. A week of seeing God’s faithful provision.

My mom’s house sold, and my husband drove to Memphis this weekend to pack her things and move them here. We unloaded everything Sunday afternoon with the help of four friends — what a wonderful gift! The move could not have gone more smoothly. Every detail went just as planned and organized. I was so thankful for that answered prayer!

Monday night we went to the faculty dinner where my husband teaches.

Then Tuesday we all started back: my husband to in-service, my children to a half day of school, and me back in my work schedule.

First Day of School
Tonight we finished the James Bible Study. It was truly a wonderful study. I think we all learned so much. It’s been beautiful to see the things the Lord has done in our lives over the course of the eight weeks of this study as we’ve prayed for one another and studied together.
 
Last Night of Bible Study (I took the picture!)

I am very tired tonight after this last week of moving and starting the new school year. We even painted my daughter’s room since my mom was bringing her a new bedroom set of furniture. We still have things all over the place to organize, but soon. I just need to get to the weekend! But I want to praise the Lord for His goodness to us in all of these things and for providing for every need. I am grateful!

I’ll end the post with another Matt Redman song from his CD that I am loving. I got it at Lifeway a week or two ago for $5! Couldn’t pass it up, and these songs are wonderful. This is “Never Once.”

But He Gives a Greater Grace

Carolyn
 James: Mercy Triumphs (Member Book)

One of the highlights of this summer has been studying the book of James with about 12 women. If I had tried to plan a Bible study, it wouldn’t have happened. I was marveling the other day about how God really planned it and brought us together.

Earlier in the spring, three different friends had asked me about what I would be doing for Bible study this summer. Then I ran into my friend Sasha, and she was willing to do this James Bible study with me and help lead it. My mom was moving here and had the DVDs. We decided to just pray about it and see who God brought into our paths. I contacted the three friends, and then the rest of the ladies truly were people who entered our paths at exact moments. (Those are fun stories, too!) They range in age from 28 to 68, attend a variety of churches, and most of the women met each other here in the group!

This group has been such a blessing. This study has been wonderful!

A verse from this study that has stayed on my mind this last week was James 4:6a: “But He gives a greater grace….” I’m not sure exactly what to make of it in context or even out of context!

I’ve been intrigued by learning that James is much like the Proverbs of the New Testament with lots of wise sayings that often don’t seem connected (but upon further study, sometimes actually seem like they are). Is this statement (“But He gives a greater grace…”) simply one that stands alone and separate, or is it in some way connected?

I’ve also benefited from thinking through how the teachings in James mesh with and complement the teachings of Paul, despite a first glance that might make us think they could be contradictory. One writer focuses more on the works of our faith (James), while one stresses grace over works (Paul). Yet here, in the middle of the book of James, we see, “But He gives a greater grace…”  It makes me think of this overarching grace over all our works, grace flowing down, the acknowledgement from James that grace really is greater than all our sins, all our works.

But I don’t know. I haven’t studied this in depth (nor did the study we’re doing), and I’m no theologian or scholar. But it has been running through my mind… grace, grace, grace… His grace is enough, it’s sufficient for all my sins. It’s greater than I know. It flows from the top down to me, not me working hard from the bottom up to earn it. It’s just flowing down on me. God’s grace. I don’t deserve it. I didn’t earn it. It covers me. It covers my sin. It’s greater than my shortcomings and my best efforts. For this I am so thankful.

Summer Update

Carolyn
At the Cubs game Saturday night

My husband returned today from his annual overseas trip. Students travel to Europe for classes and summer credit, and he teaches some of the classes in Italy and Switzerland. They tour many places, and he enjoys traveling and tour guiding/sightseeing. We are glad to have him home, and I praise the Lord for safety and protection.

It is always a busy time of year when he is away. School finished for my children, and I was wrapping up some things at work to slow down for the summer, too. So between field day, Shakespeare, 8th grade promotion, teacher gifts, parent teacher conferences, final field trips, and my working, we were on the go.

Once summer arrives though, we slow down and lose our routine and aren’t sure exactly how to spend our days! But it is a welcome change, and I have caught up on a lot of little things around the house.

So this is a big week for us!

  • I can return to blogging now that we have a computer back in the house.
  • I took my son to a Cubs game on Saturday! We were offered great free tickets, and I managed to figure out how to get there and back all by myself. It wasn’t too hard.
  • My husband arrived home today, just in time for his birthday this week and just after Father’s Day.
  • We picked up my husband’s third book in the Chiveis trilogy today. It will be released later this month.
The third and final installment!