Author: Carolyn

I am a Christian, a sinner saved by God's amazing grace. Much like my life, my blog is a work in progress. The main objective I have for this blog is to "proclaim the praises" of the One who called me out of darkness and into His marvelous light! (1 Peter 2:9)

Peace

Carolyn

Last summer Tim Keller came to my home church in Memphis. I was in town, but getting over being sick and did not go. I ended up getting the tape of it, and he preached on Philippians 4:4-13. It was a message that at that time was very timely for me to hear. I ran across my notes from it the other day and thought I’d share some of the things he shared:

“There’s a difference between a morally restrained heart, a heart that has its impulses and its emotions tamped down, controlled from the outside by will power, and a supernaturally, gospel-changed heart, a heart that’s got its dispositions, feelings, orientations and attitudes changed from inside, long-term, permanently by the gospel.”

Keller said that there are 9 traits of a supernaturally-changed, gospel-changed heart; those are the fruit of the Spirit that are found in Galatians 5:22-23.

His quote resonated with me because it’s easy to have a life managed by will power and think then that everything is right in life, but when a supernatural change comes that is fueled by the gospel and the Spirit, even if things look similar to the outside world, the change is absolutely incredible. And to those who really know you, the difference will be obvious.

I know this from experience – trying so hard to live well, perfectly, yet so unhappy, and not realizing I was missing something called the Spirit-filled life and joy. Not that I now have things perfectly in order (I hardly have anything in order these days!), but there has been a fundamental change that only the Spirit could produce. Reminds me of Paul’s words in Philippians 3:12-14.

Keller went on then to talk about peace from Phil. 4:4-13 and what we are to think about. He described the character of peace–what it is. It is a deep, inner equilibrium, deep contentment in all circumstances, a tranquility, a lack of anxiety. The apostle Paul’s life was an example of one of peace in spite of torture, imprisonment, death.

Keller said there are many books on stress that talk about emptying the mind of negative thoughts – “just stop those thoughts” and “just don’t think about it” – and how calm in our culture means emptiness.

But the peace that Scripture teaches is not the absence of thoughts, but the presence of a Living Power. You can lay down and sleep knowing you have soldiers encamped about you. You have something greater than what’s wrong.

There was much more to his sermon (disciplines to develop peace, how the gospel produces peace, etc.), but these particular thoughts above really ministered to me, so I thought I would capture them here.

Brevity of Life

Carolyn

Last May, it seemed like everywhere I turned, I was running across passages on the brevity of life:

Psalm 103:15-16 “As for man, his days are like grass; as a flower of the field, so he flourishes. For the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.”

I Peter 1:24 “For, ‘all flesh is like grass, and all its glory like the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower falls off.'”

Psalm 144:4 “Man is like a mere breath; his days are like a passing shadow.”

There were others, but you get the idea. As these passages kept coming before me during my time in the Word, I couldn’t help but wonder if the Lord was preparing me for something, and I didn’t like the thought of what that might be, so I kept pushing the thoughts from my mind.

This summer, when I started some Scripture memory, I was randomly selecting passages and some of the first ones I memorized, without remembering their content, were James 1, I Peter 1, and Psalm 103. As I memorized these passages, all containing verses on the brevity of life, I came to see that the last year has been filled with lessons in this truth:

  • My father-in-law retired last May.
  • My step-father died last July.
  • Our very close friend was diagnosed with the most aggressive form of brain cancer in the prime of his life.
  • I left a job I had loved and was called to in 2005, one that had brought me great joy and close friendships.

Retirement, death, sickness, job change, loss.

This phrase from Psalm 103: “Its place remembers it no more.” I drop my kids at school and watch the others who are now doing my former work. I’m glad for such great new additions to the school. It is, though, as I knew it would be — once you are gone, new folks take your place, and “its place remembers it no more.” That’s just life. I’m not even bemoaning these facts or sad about them, but merely acknowledging them.

What it has done for me is have me ask the question: What counts? What matters? What is my purpose? Is there any purpose in what I am doing? I pour myself into something for 5 1/2 years, and in an instant, it’s over. Whom did I do it for? Did I do it well? Was it worth the sacrifices? Did it bring God glory?

Now theoretically and intellectually maybe I know the answers. But I really want them rooted in my heart. If I’m not doing everything for the glory of God, does any of it matter? Probably not. But there is a resounding “yes” that there IS purpose in this life and that we find it in Christ, but what does it look like? What is it like to live in that truth daily?

Last week, as I began putting all of these thoughts finally together in my mind, the Lord took me to Psalm 90. It is on the transitoriness of man and the eternality of God. It began to give me some answers:

“So teach us to number our days,
That we may present to You a heart of wisdom.
* * *
O satisfy us in the morning with Your lovingkindness,
That we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
* *
Let Your work appear to Your servants
And Your majesty to their children.
Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us;
And confirm for us the work of our hands;
Yes, confirm the work of our hands.”

I also see that in Psalm 103 and I Peter I, after talking about the grass withering and the flower fading, they immediately tell though what lasts — the Word of the Lord (I Peter) and His mercy that is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him (Psalm 103).

I feel a bit like the Lord has had to undo some things in and around me to open me up to see things more clearly, to be filled more with His purpose. I feel like He’s beginning to teach me anew now that I am ready.

In the midst of my thoughts these last couple of weeks, our pastor began a 7-week series on revitalizing your life. It began with “Purpose” and then “Challenge” the first two weeks. Jesus asks us to “follow Him.” Will I follow Him wherever He leads? Do I find Him worthy of giving him ALL that I am?

I am so grateful for what God has done for me, how He has led me this last year as my Shepherd, for how He has positioned me in something new and unexpected, and no doubt right and good. I wouldn’t change a thing. I am processing it all now, but so excited to see what He will show me, as well as where He will lead and what He will do as I seek to follow Him and live life with His purpose.

I hope this post won’t be seen as depressing, because for me, it is actually full of hope. It’s not the mid-life crisis that it appears to be! It’s wrestling with biblical truth, but it’s a good thing. I am thankful.

School Is in Session!

Carolyn

School started this week for both my husband (he teaches college) and my children. My job also got into full swing last week. Our routine, the old and the new, is back.

Monday was the first time since 2004 when my son was at our local public school that I haven’t been with my children in their school setting. It was a different feeling to just drop them off and leave! It was a little strange not being part of the craziness of a new year through working at the school. But it was also fun to have the perspective of an outside observer, of just a parent, to watch others take those roles. It is a welcome change for this season of my life.

This is my children’s first school picture back in 2006 when the school began and they were entering Kindergarten and 2nd grade:

They were so nervous and didn’t know what to expect. I was too busy to be nervous for them, trying to get things ready administratively for the first 23 students and 13 families the school would host. Amazing to look back and see what God has done and yet look ahead with expectation for what He is doing. He is good.

And now today: I guess this is the best first day school picture you can hope for once you have a son who is almost 13!


Here they are at home before we left for school:


Note we’re already out of dress code without a belt for my son. I didn’t realize he had finally outgrown the braided belt I bought him back in 2nd grade!

My children are both in this section of the all school picture, as are their dear teachers (the second lady from left with eyes closed and the male teacher with the tie toward the right):

A picnic after the first day of school with sweet friends was a great way to start the year. Three of these girls have been friends since birth, from Virginia to Illinois, and been in school together since Kindergarten! What a sweet and rare gift!

Camp of the Woods

Carolyn

Our family just got back from Camp of the Woods, a family camp in New York. My children claim it’s their favorite place on earth. Here is the only family picture we got, right before we left on Saturday to head home. This is right outside our cabin which was on the beach.

The weather was so beautiful and warm (well, let’s be honest, HOT some of the time – in the 90s with no air conditioning), and the children loved boating, tubing, swimming, etc. The camp has speakers, and my husband was the seminar speaker for the week. We had a blast with the several families in our unit who were other speakers or there to teach the week’s sport of floor hockey.

My daughter spent many hours in the arts and crafts area, while they both enjoyed putt putting, the game room, and the rock climbing wall. We went whitewater rafting one day, too. So we can’t complain about warm weather. It was much better than needing a fleece for cool temperatures or a raincoat for rain (both of which we’ve experienced in past years).

We came back home through Albany, NY, and saw the state capital. It was closed, so the best we could do was take a few pictures. We were all pretty tired then anyway, and hot, so my husband took my son to the movies while I took my daughter to the mall and lunch while we waited for our afternoon flight.

We now have new friends in TX, AZ, NY, OH, NE, PA, MI, and VA! It was sad to leave this fun group of new friends. We spent each evening by the campfire with a few families, making smores and other food items, fighting the mosquitoes and getting to know each other better. The children have lots of new friends, young and old. So thankful for older boys setting good examples. My son loved hanging out with them and learning to play sand volleyball.

Our teaching was excellent, studying the life of Abraham. The Lord had used stories from Abraham’s life in my life during the spring, and so hearing these messages was such a blessing, hearing how God wouldn’t let him put stakes in the ground and the reasons why. We left encouraged.

If you are ever looking for a wonderful getaway for your family, check out COTW!

Summer So Far

Carolyn

We’ve had a relatively busy summer. My husband participated in graduation at the college where he works on a Saturday in May. He then started 2 weeks of summer school the following Monday. The last day of summer school, he left for Europe and was gone 25 days!

While he was leading a student tour through Italy and Switzerland, I was finishing the school year with my children. We ended school on a Friday, which also was my last day working at the school (in a job I had loved!) after being there since its beginning over 5 years ago. The following Monday, I started a new job which God clearly led me to this year and for which I am also so very thankful. My mom came in town for 2 weeks to help me with the transition until my husband returned.

In the transition, I gave up my computer and cell phone, which belonged to the school but which I was allowed to have for personal use as well, and I have been learning to enjoy more of a technology free life. It’s been good for me to not spend as much time on the internet when I have spare time, but to do better things.

My children and I have been to the pool a lot this summer. I’ve enjoyed reading while they swim. I finished Uncle Tom’s Cabin (what an incredible book!) and am now on Pilgrim’s Progress. I have a friend who is newly seeking the Lord, and she is reading Pilgrim’s Progress, so I thought it would give us something to dialogue about.

I’ve also written a lot more letters. For a while, I was trying to keep my stationery on hand and send out one a day. I wrote a letter to a couple who have meant a lot to me in my life since my childhood, but it occurred to me that I had never said it! The reply letter I received within a week showed me what it meant to them! I have also written more timely thank you notes. I’ve also tried to act when I feel like the Lord is moving my heart with the thought of someone to do something for him/her.

One thing I’ve most enjoyed: memorizing and reflecting on Scripture. I decided to just randomly pick out passages of the Bible that I’ve memorized in the past, but just can’t quite remember all the words. For example, Philippians 4:4-9 — when it gets to verses 8-9, I would always forget the order of these words: “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace shall be with you.”

I can now say them all and know what I am really supposed to reflect on and think about when my mind is tempted to think on other kinds of things (worry, anger, bitterness, pride, self, etc.). So my goal has been not to introduce all new passages, but just to really nail down the ones I should know. I’ve gone over Psalm 103, James 1, I Peter 1, Ephesians 6:10-20, and the Philippians 4:4-9. I’m trying to add a section each day.

Over the days I’ve been doing this, I’ve been blessed in so many ways. Tonight, I just blew it, stumbled and fell spiritually. I loved it that as I was praying asking God for forgiveness, the words of Psalm 103 were flowing through my head: “He has not dealt with us according to our sins or punished us according to our iniquities… as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.”

And as I pondered the first 5 verses about blessing the Lord and the benefits He give us (He forgives our iniquities, heals our diseases, redeems our life from destruction, crowns us with lovingkindness and tender mercies, and satisfies our mouth with good things so that our youth is renewed like the eagle’s), I realized that not only is God so gracious to wipe away our sins, but He goes so much farther with blessings! He crowns us and satisfies us and gives us so many blessings! He doesn’t just take our sins and then sort of keep us at a neutral place; no, He delights to give good gifts to His children, and so many of those ways are listed out in Psalm 103. It was so humbling to think on His great mercy and grace, so undeserved, yet so lavishly given.

Well, my husband brought home an iPad from a trip to Atlanta this weekend, a gift he received. I guess technology is back for me, at least in the form of letting me read my emails in a timely way! But hopefully, I’ll be a little wiser in my time and enjoy the things I’ve been learning in technology’s absence.

A page in my memory journal: