Summer So Far

Carolyn

We’ve had a relatively busy summer. My husband participated in graduation at the college where he works on a Saturday in May. He then started 2 weeks of summer school the following Monday. The last day of summer school, he left for Europe and was gone 25 days!

While he was leading a student tour through Italy and Switzerland, I was finishing the school year with my children. We ended school on a Friday, which also was my last day working at the school (in a job I had loved!) after being there since its beginning over 5 years ago. The following Monday, I started a new job which God clearly led me to this year and for which I am also so very thankful. My mom came in town for 2 weeks to help me with the transition until my husband returned.

In the transition, I gave up my computer and cell phone, which belonged to the school but which I was allowed to have for personal use as well, and I have been learning to enjoy more of a technology free life. It’s been good for me to not spend as much time on the internet when I have spare time, but to do better things.

My children and I have been to the pool a lot this summer. I’ve enjoyed reading while they swim. I finished Uncle Tom’s Cabin (what an incredible book!) and am now on Pilgrim’s Progress. I have a friend who is newly seeking the Lord, and she is reading Pilgrim’s Progress, so I thought it would give us something to dialogue about.

I’ve also written a lot more letters. For a while, I was trying to keep my stationery on hand and send out one a day. I wrote a letter to a couple who have meant a lot to me in my life since my childhood, but it occurred to me that I had never said it! The reply letter I received within a week showed me what it meant to them! I have also written more timely thank you notes. I’ve also tried to act when I feel like the Lord is moving my heart with the thought of someone to do something for him/her.

One thing I’ve most enjoyed: memorizing and reflecting on Scripture. I decided to just randomly pick out passages of the Bible that I’ve memorized in the past, but just can’t quite remember all the words. For example, Philippians 4:4-9 — when it gets to verses 8-9, I would always forget the order of these words: “Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace shall be with you.”

I can now say them all and know what I am really supposed to reflect on and think about when my mind is tempted to think on other kinds of things (worry, anger, bitterness, pride, self, etc.). So my goal has been not to introduce all new passages, but just to really nail down the ones I should know. I’ve gone over Psalm 103, James 1, I Peter 1, Ephesians 6:10-20, and the Philippians 4:4-9. I’m trying to add a section each day.

Over the days I’ve been doing this, I’ve been blessed in so many ways. Tonight, I just blew it, stumbled and fell spiritually. I loved it that as I was praying asking God for forgiveness, the words of Psalm 103 were flowing through my head: “He has not dealt with us according to our sins or punished us according to our iniquities… as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.”

And as I pondered the first 5 verses about blessing the Lord and the benefits He give us (He forgives our iniquities, heals our diseases, redeems our life from destruction, crowns us with lovingkindness and tender mercies, and satisfies our mouth with good things so that our youth is renewed like the eagle’s), I realized that not only is God so gracious to wipe away our sins, but He goes so much farther with blessings! He crowns us and satisfies us and gives us so many blessings! He doesn’t just take our sins and then sort of keep us at a neutral place; no, He delights to give good gifts to His children, and so many of those ways are listed out in Psalm 103. It was so humbling to think on His great mercy and grace, so undeserved, yet so lavishly given.

Well, my husband brought home an iPad from a trip to Atlanta this weekend, a gift he received. I guess technology is back for me, at least in the form of letting me read my emails in a timely way! But hopefully, I’ll be a little wiser in my time and enjoy the things I’ve been learning in technology’s absence.

A page in my memory journal:

Entering Heaven

Carolyn

I may try in the next days to share why I’ve not been blogging lately! All good things. But for now, I am remembering 4 years ago this week when my grandmother “MaMa” died. All of my other grandparents had died when I was young, and she was the only one to live so long. As she aged, she had what seemed like Alzheimer’s (though I don’t know that it was diagnosed that way).

MaMa was from south Mississippi, and we grew up visiting her every summer. My sister and I often rode the Greyhound bus from Memphis, and she would give my mom a much needed break. I’m sure losing her son (my dad) when he was 27 in a car wreck was something she never got over, but not something she spoke of.

So 4 years ago, I was in Memphis when I learned that she had had a stroke and wasn’t expected to live much longer. I wanted to try to go down to Mississippi and see her, but wasn’t sure if I would make it in time, didn’t think she would be conscious, and didn’t know about leaving my kids to travel alone. But if I could have the opportunity, I wanted to talk to her about Jesus and heaven. She had always been quiet about her faith, so I somehow wished I could encourage her in these things at this time.

When I did decide to go, I got in the car, still unsure of the decision, and began praying about what I was doing because I didn’t have any clear answers, but was just feeling led. After praying, I turned on the radio, and this was the song that was just starting. It said,

“Let it be said of us, While we walked among the living,
Let it be said of us, By the ones we leave behind,
Let it be said of us, That we lived to be a blessing for life.
Let it be said of us, That we gave to reach the dying,
Let it be said of us, By the fruit we leave behind
Let it be said of us, That our legacy is blessing for life.
This day You set life, you set death right before us, This day
Every blessing and curse is a choice now, And we will choose to be a blessing for life.
Let it be said of us, That our hearts belonged to Jesus
Let it be said of us, That we spoke the words of life,
Let it be said of us That our heritage is blessing for life
For your Kingdom, for our children, For the sake of every nation.”

The words as they played were so perfect – go and be a blessing to the dying (my grandmother) and choose a legacy of blessing.

When I arrived at the hospital around noon, my aunt and uncle were there. (My dad was 1 of 3 children — he had had a brother and sister.) When I saw MaMa, she never opened her eyes, and she seemed gone already. I began to wonder why I had come all this way.

I went outside to call my mom, and I was telling her how gross this hospital was and how I knew the Lord did not call me to be “comfortable,” but to obey, but this was hard to be there all day, just sitting and waiting for death. As I was talking, I noticed a car sitting out in front of me waiting, and I peered through the side window and noticed that this lady’s t-shirt said, “Believe in Miracles.” Like a poster board for me, how weird, I’m standing there, second guessing what the Lord would do, and when I saw that, I wondered if that was a reminder!

We found out that my grandmother might live another week or so, even as sick as she was, so everyone made plans to leave that next morning and come back when it was over. I spent the night at my aunt’s house and just prayed that God would guide my steps, even when I didn’t know the ones to take.

At my aunt’s house the next morning, she had a bracelet on her shelf that said, “Expect a Miracle.” Even though I was convinced MaMa would never have another wakeful moment and my faith was failing, there was just a small thread of belief and wondering about those reminders and saying to myself, “keep standing.” But overall, I was ready to go to Memphis and forget about it!

Everyone started getting ready for the day, and I had about decided to drive back to Memphis without stopping by the hospital. My cousin told me I should just run by and say good-bye to her mom (my aunt), and somehow, my sister ended up coming with me.

When we arrived, my aunt had gone home to shower, but my grandmother’s one eye that was not paralyzed was open! I knew this was my time to talk to her. I asked my uncle if I could go over and talk with her or did he or my sister want to. My uncle said they had had times like that earlier in the week, and for me to go ahead, if she could even hear me.

I went over and began talking as though she could hear, see, and understand. I began to quote Scripture, everything I could think of from Psalm 23 to things about heaven. I told her that she didn’t have to be afraid and that Jesus would take her to heaven if she had trusted in Him. As I talked to her, she got her other paralyzed eye open, and she squeezed my hand. Her hand went from being gripped tight to loose in mine, and her forehead and brow began to move and furrow. I can only believe she heard and understood.

My sister would periodically come over and say a word or two about childhood memories and how she loved her. My uncle went in and out of the room. When I would ask him if he wanted to talk, he would say “no” and wanted me to keep talking to her.

Everything about those moments seemed sacred to me. Had my aunt been there, I wouldn’t have had the courage to speak so boldly to my grandmother because I would have been intimidated. God put the right people there at that right moment.

Finally, the nurse came in and said they were going to give her a bath and we should leave for a few minutes. As we exited the room, the thought came so clearly, “say anything else because this may be her last conscious moment.” I leaned down close in her ear and whispered, “I love you.” With that, I followed my uncle and sister out of the room. It seemed within seconds of getting out of the room that the light above the door began flashing on and off. People started running in and out, but didn’t say anything to us. We waited on what we thought was the bath, but also had a funny feeling. My aunt arrived, and we waited.

They finally came out and said she was gone. She had died the moment after we left the room. We all went back in, and there we stood, my aunt, my uncle, and my sister and me (representing my father). We hugged and cried. She was truly gone; there was no life there.

What a blessing to be the one to stand beside her and walk her as far as a human could walk, to say Scripture and pray and say the last words of “I love you.” God gave me everything I asked for and more, even though I didn’t deserve it. I praise Him for that, for these memories this week, for the many other ways He acted that I wouldn’t even have time to detail here. He was so gracious and merciful and revealed His presence so clearly. Thank you, Lord!

Happy Mother’s Day

Carolyn

Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.”

This is my mom with my son last Easter in Memphis. The verse above applies to her! I’m thankful to have a mom who fears the Lord and who has always been an example to me of living a life devoted to Him. She is full of compassion and love for others, selflessness about herself, and always seeking to direct people to the Lord, their source of hope, and His truth.

My mom has not had the easiest of lives, but she has a fruitful and joyful life lived in the Lord. When I was 2 months old, my father died in a car wreck. My mom was 25 years old, a young widow with two daughters. She moved back to Memphis, her hometown.

3 years later, my mom lost her mother to cancer. She did get to see her mother come to a saving faith in Christ 2 weeks before she died! When I was 7, my mom’s father died. We adored him. When I was in college, her sister and only sibling died. I’ve always thought it must have been hard to lose those closest to you in such a short span of time and still while relatively young.

This last year, my mom lost her second husband suddenly, only about 2 weeks after losing a dear friend. She’s still figuring out life with his absence.

In all these losses, her confidence in the Lord has never been shaken. She is grounded in the Bible and trusts the Lord for each day, and He has always provided. There are so many stories of His faithfulness to her and to us through the years.

Through God’s grace, faithfulness, and provision for us, we never lacked a thing. My sister and I both attended a Christian school for 13 years that gave us a solid foundation and stability. I have no idea how that worked out precisely, but I am grateful. We always attended the same church where I was baptized, married the preacher’s son, and had my children dedicated to the Lord.

While her life is a story of God’s faithfulness, on this Mother’s Day weekend, I want to thank her for choosing to follow Him, for her consistency and the choices she made that brought us stability and a solid home life. It could not have been easy to do that alone, to have to go to work each day, to be a single mom, but she did it with grace, without complaint, with joy.

Thank you, Lord, for my precious mom!

Sunshine and Friends

Carolyn

These are our friends Matt & Lindsay.

They are my husband’s former TAs (teaching assistants) who are now married and live in Iowa. They came for a visit to Chicagoland and spent a night with us. We love catching up with them. We walked to the Farmers’ Market this morning and the Billy Graham Center, then had lunch before they headed home. It was nice to have a beautiful day to enjoy walking around town.

I’m so thankful for the warmer weather. It lifts my spirits! I’m thankful, too, for good friends. I was having a hard day yesterday, and I had to run my daughter over to a friend’s house for a Jr. Gift Givers meeting. (Several young girls get together and plan ways to raise money to give to missions.)

While I was out, I did something I never do. I just stopped by unannounced to a friend’s house who I have not seen in a while. She was home, and we enjoyed talking for 30 minutes, sharing what’s been going on, and by the time we finished, I was so encouraged. When I got back home, I had a kind and encouraging email from someone that also served to brighten my day. Then our friends arrived that night to spend the night.

Between the weather and the encouraging friends, I felt lifted right up out of my distress. I’m thankful the Lord meets us in those moments in unexpected ways when we call out to him for help! Sometimes when things are hard, it’s easy to waste my energy thinking about those things instead of lifting my head and forgetting those troubles and moving on. I want to have a mind fixed on God and praising Him, but sometimes it requires that I act and obey and not simply dwell there in the mire. I love it when I see how worth it His ways are and pray He will help me choose those ways more consistently! He uses all these things in my life anyway to grow and strengthen me, and I am thankful.

Resurrection Day!

Carolyn

Our Easter weekend began on Friday with the Good Friday services at church. We followed Jesus to the cross through reading the gospel account in Mark, had communion, then left quietly in the dark.

We attended an Easter service on Saturday night at an area church that our friends attend. They invited us because the pastor was using some video from our friend who is now in heaven. She bravely fought cancer, but went to be with the Lord exactly two years prior to the service on April 23, 2009. I had met her exactly a year prior to that on April 24, 2008, when she visited our school to see about enrolling her boys.

We loved being at this Easter service with her husband and boys and other families from our school who have walked through this with them. Her videos were such a powerful testimony to the hope of the believer when facing death and the meaning of the resurrection. In her video, Beth shared how at some point in the battle with cancer, it ceased to be important whether the report was good or bad, but all that mattered was the presence of the Lord with her.

Beth also shared the words of the apostle Paul in Philippians 1:21, “To live is Christ, to die is gain.” So she concluded in the days prior to her death, “I can’t lose.” Indeed, she did not lose, but gained heaven and the eternal presence of her Savior! And despite grief, her family and friends have the hope of eternal life with her one day and seeing her again. Thank you, Jesus!

Our children wanted to go to the Sunrise Service at church on Easter Sunday at 6:30 a.m.! So we made it, but realized it was an abbreviated service of only 30 minutes, which completely makes sense as I thought about it. I turned to my husband at the conclusion of the service and said, “I have to go to the next service.” I just couldn’t bear the thought of missing the Hallelujah Chorus on Easter — my favorite service of the year at our church. My husband replied, “I knew you were going to say that.”

He and the children stayed home, but I loved going to the 8:00 service, singing In Christ Alone and the Hallelujah Chorus. So beautiful! I listened to it all over again on the radio back at home during the 9:30 service. A very full Easter!

We celebrated Easter with my husband’s family at my in-laws house, then the cousins all played at our house until dinner, then we were all back together for a pizza dinner. A very full day. We enjoy having Easter Monday off at our school after a long weekend.

I loved reading the gospels again about Jesus going to the cross for our sins, taking our burdens and guilt, and rising again to give us new life in Him. His Word is true, and it offers hope, eternal hope. Yes, thank you, Jesus, for giving us new life, eternal hope, and the promise of heaven and life with you forever.