Thoughts on Marriage

Carolyn

My thoughts this morning are about Christian marriage, those who are Christians and married, seeking to live out God’s will for their marriage and home. If you are a Christian and married or know someone who is, you likely know it can be hard. Even when two people are seeking the Lord, there are still the challenges of miscommunication, unmet expectations, and a host of other hurts that come to us in our fallen world, courtesy of our flesh, the world, and the devil.

I’m aware of some situations that seem hopeless (this from the human point of view). This is not going to improve, they think, so they tough it out, lead separate lives, or even part ways. Is there any hope?

Can we acknowledge that for most, marriage is work and requires that we invest in it? We can’t hope for those initial “feelings” of love to carry us through. Though we want something to be easy and not require much from us, isn’t it often (always?) the hard work that yields the best fruit. Our marriages take commitment in ways the world doesn’t understand.

I liken it to when we are physically sick. If we get pneumonia or some kind of bacterial infection, we see a doctor and get an antibiotic. If we become dehydrated from a violent stomach virus, we see a doctor and get an IV of fluids. If we fall and break a bone, we see a doctor and have it set. We go take care of these obvious physical ailments.

But when it’s a marriage (or any number of other spiritual things), when it’s something that can be internalized or ignored, something that’s easier to let it go than to work hard, something we think we should just accept that it is what it is and not work to cultivate it, we leave a gaping wound and walk around sick inside without getting the help and attention to the ailment that is so desperately needed. We settle for status quo.

Don’t you want to rise up against that? If I’m sick, I go to a doctor. If my marriage is ailing, why would I ignore it and let days and weeks and years pass?

It’s true – we can’t control the other person, but there are some things we can do. Those are the things I’ve been looking for in Scripture as I’ve been thinking about this as I pray for a number of marriages that I know are in need of some resurrection power.

First, go to the Scriptures. Look up the passages on marriage. See what God asks us to do as husbands and wives. Write that down. I guarantee you’ll walk away with some new realization and thoughts. God’s Word is so instructive and true. This morning I read through I Peter 3:1-6, Eph. 5:22-33, Col. 3:18-19 to see what my role is.

Second, recognize that our obedience to God, our right actions in our marriages, are not BECAUSE or IF our spouses are so worthy and deserving of this, but are actually IN SPITE OF our spouses and regardless of their behavior. Our obedience comes because we trust God and believe what He says, and we fear Him. Read that I Peter 3 passage. Wives play a role such that their unbelieving husbands might be won without a word by their conduct. They imitate Jesus who is described at the end of Chapter 2. Their quiet and gentle spirit is precious in God’s sight and demonstrates that they trust in Him, not their spouses.

Husbands are also told how to live with and honor their wives — not because their wives are acting in such a way that deserves it — but so that their prayers might not be hindered. Our actions shouldn’t be dependent on what our spouses are doing; rather, they should be regardless of what they do, in obedience to God and trusting what He says.

Third, recognize who the true enemy is. There is an enemy, but it’s not your spouse. Your spouse may be in sin and may be struggling, but the spouse is not the real enemy. The enemy is the devil. Our flesh and sin may also be involved, likely so. But the one we need to be delivered from is not our spouse, but the schemes of the evil one.

Read Exodus 14, particularly verses 13-14 – “Do not be afraid. Stand still, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will accomplish for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall see again no more forever. The LORD will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace [be quiet].”

Look who is doing the active work. The LORD will fight, the LORD will accomplish it. We should not fear, but should stand still and hold our peace. At the same time, remember Ephesians 6:10-18 so that you may be strong in the Lord and his mighty power and stand firm.

Fourth, pray. Have we even begun to see what God will accomplish when we cry out to Him, seek Him, ask Him, believe Him. Study verses on prayer and what we can expect. What are God’s promises to us in His Word?

You get the idea – these truths came to me this morning while reading God’s Word and praying for many friends’ marriages and my own. I know there are many other practical things we can do, such as reading good books on marriage, perhaps together with our spouse (Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs, The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller, What Did You Expect? by Paul Tripp all come to mind); talking to your spouse to come up with some goals for strengthening your marriage; praying together as a couple; and on the list goes.

Do we believe God’s Word is true? Does He indeed have for us the path of blessing and joy in this and in every circumstance? Let’s try to honor Him, believe Him, and see.

I must note here at the end: these are merely reflections as I’ve been reading this morning. I am not a counselor, a psychologist, or a theologian. I am writing about the general challenges we face in marriages, not about the extreme situations that someone may find themselves in, such as physical abuse. If that is the case, seek safety and get help, of course. Some of these principles may apply to all situations (pray, trust in God, etc.), but do take care to get professional or other help in such an extreme case. These are thoughts for the everyday challenges, but also those things that seem impossible. Let’s ask God and see what He might do.

Scripture Memory

Carolyn

Typically, when my blog is dry, my journal is full. That’s been the case this last month. I’ll try to do some short posts over the coming days to catch up on some things.

One of the blessings of a sermon series going slowly, verse by verse through a book of the Bible, is it gives you time for in-depth reflection on the verses. We’ve been studying Romans at church and are in Chapter 5, just having finished verses 1-5. I have memorized these verses as we go because it’s quite easy after listening to the sermons to have these words on my heart and to then memorize them.

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God. 3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; 5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:1-5 (NAS)

I am reminded again of the value of Scripture memory. It gives my mind something to think on that is good and true (Phil. 4:8). It hides God’s Word in my heart to help me not sin against Him (Psalm 119:11).

Look at Romans 5:1 above. It’s an incredible verse that tells us how to have peace with God! Isn’t that what anyone would want?! Unless someone is simply denying the existence of God, I imagine they would want to know that they can have peace with Him and how that is accomplished:

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.

We have peace with God through Jesus Christ, being justified (made right) by faith in Him. We can be assured of this and have confidence of it and then go on in His Word to learn more and more about this. But right there is the starting point! Isn’t that amazing?! This is the peace we all need.

Then we had dinner with a family Saturday night, and I could see that this person was a living example of Romans 5:3-5, having been through tribulation, but filled with great hope, having character that is being proven. We were able to see the way the Spirit was so visibly working in their lives. It was beautiful.

It’s wonderful to keep learning Scripture to remind us and reinforce what God is teaching us in His Word. It will not return void (Is. 55:11).

I’m participating in the Scripture memory program for 2015 at Beth Moore’s blog. We’re memorizing a new verse twice a month so that by the end of the year, we’ll have at least 24 verses hidden in our hearts. It’s a very manageable pace. You can find it here if you want to participate, too!

Firstfruits

Carolyn

Happy New Year!

Some of my friends chose a word for the year. Maybe there’s a “one word” thing circulating, and I’m just realizing it! My one word for the year though came easy. Firstfruits.

I woke up thinking about that on January 1 and spent some time studying what it meant in the Bible, just using my simple concordance at the back of my Bible.

When the Israelites came into the land, they were to offer firstfruits of their harvest to God (Lev. 23:9-14, Ex. 23: 16, 19, Ex. 34:26, Deut. 26). In Nehemiah 10:35-36, they brought the firstfruits of the ground and the firstfruits of fruit and trees. My Bible notes say, “The firstfruits of the ground were given to the Lord as an acknowledgement of His status as landowner.”

In Exodus 23:17, we see the Feast of Harvest was one of the three annual feasts at which they would bring the firstfruits of their labors which they had sown in the field.

My Bible notes say, “The Israelites were to offer to God the fruit that ripened first, even though there was always a possibility that the rest of the crop would not ripen or be harvested because of some unforseen circumstance. By offering the first of the produce to the Lord, the people expressed their trust in God’s provision and their gratitude for His good gifts.”

I also looked into the New Testament. Romans 8:23, we have the firstfruits of the Spirit.

James 1:18, which follows a beloved verse of mine (every good and perfect gift is from above, James 1:17), says, “Of His own will He brought us forth by the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of His creatures.”

Revelation 4:4, being redeemed from among men, being firstfruits to God and to the Lamb.

Then this: Christ is risen from the dead and has become the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep! (I Cor. 15:20) My notes say, “Because Christ rose from the dead, those who are asleep in Christ have a guarantee of their own resurrection.”

Obviously, this could become a very in-depth and exciting study!

These are just some glimpses of what I read. I can give my firstfruits of all I have been given (what all does this include?), but is my very life a kind of firstfruit (James 1:18)?

As I thought about giving my firstfruits, the area I was convicted to give this year is of my time, the firstfruits of the day, trusting God will make the rest of the day effective, even when I’ve given up time in the morning.

So my 2015 goal is to spend time in the morning reading the Bible and praying – before I do anything else — before I get ready, before I eat breakfast, before I make lunches, before everything! I am using the M’Cheyne reading plan to read through the Bible in a year. So feet out of bed and on the ground, downstairs, praying, reading, before anything else.

I want to be realistic – anything we do in a new way can be hard to keep going. But I’ve pushed through and here I am on the 8th day. I’ll take it a week at a time and see how it goes. But I can tell you this so far: it’s been a complete blessing! I’m learning so much in my time in the Word. It’s amazing how four select passages can intertwine with one idea. More on that in a future post.

For today, my word for 2015, firstfruits.

Honor God with your possessions, and with the firstfruits of all your increase; so your barns will be filled with plenty, and your vats will overflow with new wine (Proverbs 3:9-10).

Weekend Wrap-up

Carolyn

These are just some quick thoughts as I wrap up the last week or two that have been on my mind.

  • I heard a lady on the radio yesterday giving her testimony. She had been living a really rough life, and she wanted to know if God was real. She shared how God revealed Himself in this moment of crisis in an unmistakable way. At the end of the call, she threw in this statement that has stuck with me: “I wasn’t looking for God to change my life; I only wanted to know if He was real. But once I knew that He was real, my life was changed.” I loved that thought. When we experience the reality of who God is and what Christ has done for us, we will be changed!

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  • I went to a cross country match to watch a family friend run. What I loved was seeing him at the end, even though he was surely tired, sprint to the finish, even overtaking another runner at the very last moment. This running with the end in sight, with a focus on the finish, was a picture to me of how to run the life of faith which is compared in Scripture at times to a race:

    Hebrews 12:1-2: “Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

  • This week we celebrated the day that my daughter came home from the hospital 14 years ago ago after a three month stay. She was born three months prematurely (27 weeks along, 2 pounds) and came home on her original due date. It’s hard to pass milestone moments like these without pausing again to remember and give thanks to God for her life and His protection over her and for the many miraculous ways we saw His hand at work during those challenging days. These are indeed stones of remembrance.

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  • Then finally we wrapped up the football season for my son this week. It was a great season, and I am glad to see his hard work and discipline in the sport, his great coaches who use the sport as a means to bring gospel truths into their lives, and the friendships he has developed.

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Verses for the Day: Galatians 4:12-20

Carolyn

Note: To find out about the verses for the day, click here. And to read the other posts in the Galatians series, click here. (They appear in reverse order.)

In this passage of Galatians, Paul expresses again his concerns for the Galatian believers. We saw last time that he seems to go back and forth between identifying a concern and responding to it with the truth of the gospel. What an excellent pattern that we can put to use in our own lives, always returning to the gospel, reminding ourselves of the gospel, putting ourselves in places to be taught again the gospel. It will never grow old. It will never be outdated. It will never be powerless. It will change us and shape us and form us.

This is what Paul wants for these Galatian believers. He desires that Christ be formed in them (v.19). Paul is coming to them as a spiritual father. He calls them his “little children” (v.19). As a father cares for his child, Paul is laboring over these young believers (v.11, v.19), and he expresses concern over them: “I am afraid for you, lest I have labored for you in vain” (v.11).

Paul asks them, “How is it that you turn again to the weak and beggarly elements?” He says “you desire to be in bondage” (v.9); “you observe days and months and seasons and years” (v.10); “I am afraid for you” (v.11); “what then was the blessing you enjoyed” (v.15); “Have I become your enemy because I tell you the truth?” (v.16); “I have doubts about you” (v.20.)

These sound like heavy concerns on Paul’s heart. Picture a wayward child, a person walking away from his or her faith. They have been given the knowledge of the truth, but they are turning from it. They are being deceived. They have been set free in Christ and are returning to bondage. And Paul comes with the truth of the gospel to expose the lies and help them return to the freedom that Christ has given them. He does it with the love of a father who so desires their best, that is that Christ would be formed in them. This is why Paul writes; these are his concerns.

Paul reminds the Galatians of how they received him initially (v. 14). They have not injured Paul at all (v.12), and they did not despise or reject him and the trial that was in Paul’s flesh (v.14). They would have plucked out their own eyes for him (v.15). Paul urges them to become like him (v.12) and contrasts himself with the false teachers. Paul is telling them the truth (v.16) and means good for them. The false teachers court them, but for no good; they want to exclude them, so that the Galatians will be zealous for them (v.17).

The false teachers would have them be in bondage to the law, observing the days and months and seasons and years, depending on the law rather than grace. But Christ came to set them free, and Paul desires them to be zealous for a good thing (v.18) and that Christ be formed in them.

We have seen that through Christ’s death and resurrection, by faith in Him, we are delivered from this present evil age (1:5), redeemed (4:5), adopted (4:5), and given new life. We are justified (made right with God) by faith (2:16, 3:11, 24). By faith, we become a child of God (3:26) and heirs to the promise (3:29). We are given the blessing of God (4:15). We are given the Spirit of God (4:6). We are no longer a slave, but a son (4:7).

The law which we could not keep points us to our need for a Savior, Jesus Christ, who could perfectly keep the law. He sacrificed Himself for us, forgiving our sins, that we can live in newness of life. And all that we have been given in Christ enables us to live for Him, in freedom, not in bondage.

Paul desires these truths to take root and sink deeply into the hearts of these Galatian believers so that they might be full of joy and free in Christ. Do we know this freedom and joy?

PRAYER: Heavenly Father, thank you for being our Creator, Savior, Redeemer, Father, King. Thank you for giving us all that we need for life and godliness. Thank you that we can turn from sin and turn to you for forgiveness. Thank you that you love us and have made a way for us to know you. Thank you, Jesus, for humbling yourself to death on a cross to bring us to God. Thank you for the joy we find in trusting you and walking with you. Thank you for your Spirit who teaches us and leads us. Let us believe your truth and live in this freedom that you accomplished for us. My heart is full of gratitude. Thank you for a relationship with you, for seeking us. May we now seek You and find true blessing and joy. Keep our eyes fixed on you. May we study your Word so we can know you and be reminded again and again of this glorious gospel of grace that has saved us and redeemed us.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.