I found this one day when I came to the computer. My 8 year old daughter had put together her Christmas list.
My Wish List:
The 1st one is the one I want the most
1. A Cross-Stitching Kit
2. Water Color Paints
3. Kaya/Kiristen/Look-Like-Me-Doll the American Girl Dolls
(4. I don’t think this will happen, but for Jesus to come back.)
I think it’s sweet she’s thinking about Jesus’ return, but love her honesty that #1 is what she really wants most!
Tuesday was perhaps the lowest moment of my entire “professional” life.
I’ve struggled to think if perhaps there’s been a worse moment for me in all my years of working, but only one can even compete (and that’s a story all unto itself… litigation involving accusations that pesticides required a family to abandon their home led to a document production at the abandoned house in East Texas back in the spring 1994… we wandered through a football size field of grass up to my waist… opposing counsel was there zipped into the most enormous yellow protective suit — to protect him from the snakes and pesticides… I’m there with our 2 laywers calling it all bunk, and I’m hoping they’re right as the other lawyer questions them about taking me into that house for documents given that I’m of childbearing age! By the time I had wandered through those fields, scared to death of snakes, wondering how I got dragged into this, my allergies kicked in, and my nose ran, my eyes watered, I sneezed again and again, and I had not so much as a tissue for the next couple of hours. I sat on the porch of that dusty, abandoned house trying to control all this, while the lead lawyer says to me in disbelief, “What’s WRONG with you?” “Allergies,” I answer. Truth is, I don’t even really have allergies, but anyone who wades in waist deep grass for a stretch in the hot Texas sun can develop them immediately, I found.). I realize that was a long parenthetical, but alas, that day did not compare with this past Tuesday.
I was taking part in a video shoot. Interestingly, I had prayed at length about this. I had recently read a John Piper article on words — and so my prayer had been that the Lord would keep me humble and Himself exalted. I wanted to be guided by the double criterion Piper describes: self humiliation and Christ exaltation.
I had no idea what that prayer would lead to — true self humiliation, sheer embarrassment even, tears as I couldn’t articulate a compelling message for the video, despite probably 5 hours of preparation. We’ve yet to see if any of those words can even be used, but my suspicion is, if they are, given my complete and total inadequacy and failure, Christ alone would be able to make it something where He can be glorified.
In spite of it all, I’m thankful for it. It’s one of those moments you know God designed to be just what it was. And He revealed to me some other things I needed to know — “Cease striving,” I felt. “Quit trying so hard to be all things here. Be about the other things I’m called to be.”
Should I blog about my single worst moment? I don’t know. I’ve already been so reduced, it seems of little consequence to share it on my blog. I guess I like the fact that God uses the weak; He gives us His strength even when we can’t see it; and He is sovereign and purposeful. So I praise Him for these things today!
Today I feel full of praise and joy at the fact that my hope is in the Lord.
A group of ladies from work have been going through Beth Moore’s Psalms of Ascent study. The title of this week’s study was “My Hope Is in the Lord.” Psalm 130 and 131 encourage us to put our hope in the Lord and in His word. What perfect timing to reflect on that this last week.
One morning this week, after studying these psalms and focusing on the Lord being my hope, I went to the kitchen to fix lunches. I turned on the radio, and Chris Tomlin’s song, Jesus Messiah, was playing. I realized that though I had spent quiet time with the Lord, I hadn’t knelt down that morning to Him, so with that beautiful song playing, it seemed a good time to kneel before Him. As I did and started singing with the song, I realized the words I was saying, “All our HOPE is in You, LORD, All our HOPE is in You, LORD, all the glory to You, LORD…”
Then this morning, when I awoke and went to the kitchen, I flipped on the radio, and they were giving the election update. They then immediately played “Jesus Messiah”: “All our HOPE is in You, LORD, All our HOPE is in You, LORD.” Perfect timing, perfect reminder.
One other neat thing… for the last few days, a hymn has been flowing through my head. I thought the words might begin with “My Hope is in the Lord,” but it wasn’t familiar enough to know. I just now thought to look it up because it’s flowing through my head again, and yes, I found it, and here is what it tells me:
“My hope is in the Lord
Who gave Himself for me,
And paid the price of all my sin at Calvary.
Refrain: For me He died,
For me He lives,
And everlasting life and light He freely gives.
No merit of my own
His anger to suppress.
My only hope is found in Jesus’ righteousness.
And now for me He stands
Before the Father’s throne.
He shows His wounded hands
and names me as His own.
His grace has planned it all,
‘Tis mine but to believe,
And recognize His work of love and Christ receive.”
All our HOPE is in You, LORD. You are Jesus Messiah. You hold our lives and our futures. You have a purpose and plan. I trust You. And I love You. Praise You, Lord!
I’ve been thinking a lot about the election in recent weeks.
I’m thankful that tonight, the Lord knows the outcome of tomorrow. He knows the beginning from the end, and He is not surprised. May His good and perfect will be done.
When I got on here tonight, I was wanting to write about abortion. A few friends have stirred my soul with their comments the last weeks. I wanted to write about how I studied it in high school. How we learned how early a baby can feel. How I learned about the lies women are told. How I have heard their sorrows and feel grieved by this reality.
I wanted to write about how I had a life threatening pregnancy. How I had a daughter born, small and frail, but fully formed and beautiful at 27 weeks. How I saw those babies in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit who were born during the 2nd trimester — and they were living and breathing. How I used to wonder what someone would do if someone walked in the NICU and tried to end their lives! How it would be ok to do that if they were under the cover of their mother’s tummy still. What an unbelievable horror! What an unbelievable sorrow! Can this be real? They could feel. They could move and breathe. They are created in God’s image, knit together by Him in their mothers’ wombs, fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139). Who will speak for them? Who will cast a vote for life? Who will give them a choice?
There are certainly many other issues to consider in this election, but I hope we won’t too quickly step past this one. That we won’t allow the openness of our minds to veil our eyes and close our hearts to this atrocious practice.
For those of us who may be one-issue voters, of the likes of William Wilberforce who labored his entire adult life against slavery, I pray when this election is over, no matter the outcome, that we will find ways to support the pro-life movement with more than a single vote every 4 years. That we will contact our local crisis pregnancy center and see what we can do. That we will give money or time or prayers or thoughts to this and actively seek God for ways He would have us be involved, be they small or big.
I got on here to write about that, about abortion. But when I started writing, the truth of His Word, hidden in my heart, began to flow out, and I felt peace. Peace like a river. Peace about tomorrow. Peace because my Savior lives and rules.
Psalm 63:3 “Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise You.”
It’s been raining in Chicagoland for a couple of days now, mostly heavy and nonstop. Yesterday was the greatest amount of rainfall for a single day since they started keeping records back in 1871. Cars have been submerged in some places, basements have flooded, people have had to be rescued. I realize this is nothing compared to Ike and the devastation there; this is for the most part an inconvenience, but I have never seen it rain like this. I can’t imagine what it would be like to live in a rainy part of the world with rainy seasons.
My husband and I have spent the last 2 days cleaning out the cellar of our home built in 1887. We were told in March when we moved in that it had never flooded. Not so this time, but the water was pretty minimal and able to be removed with a small pump. It did, however, cause all of our boxes to get wet, so we have now gone through all the remaining boxes from our move and either thrown it out, given it away, or stored it in plastic containers. This is a project I’d been intending to get to for 6 months, so maybe this was a blessing in disguise.
We’ve also found a small leak on the porch, and for some reason, our door to the house stopped closing. I guess when it rains, it pours! In the midst of the storm, though, I’ve found a lost journal that I had been intently praying I would find (of letters I wrote my daughter when she was in the NICU for 3 months after birth). I’ve been able to finally clean that cellar. And it happened on a weekend, so my husband and I could be home and handle this. We also found lots of toys and books the kids had been missing, and they’ve had fun playing the last couple of days while we worked. There are many things to thank and praise the Lord for in the midst of this storm.
I know it’s such a small thing, really, and such a small illustration, but when life seems a bit drab and dreary, the sun isn’t shining, there’s uncertainty around me about what’s going to happen, do I really find my refuge and confidence in the Lord? As I read Psalm 63:3 this morning (“Because Your lovingkindness if better than life, my lips shall praise You.”), I wondered, do I really believe this? Do I really think God’s lovingkindness is better than my very life? In the midst of a “storm,” can I fix my eyes on Him and have great joy because He is better than all else, even when I feel insecure and uncertain?
It’s these little imperfections of life that increase the longing for the perfect, for the eternal place where all will be right. I pray God will increase my faith so that when my feelings are inconsistent with my head and heart and I feel unsteady, I will still believe Him.
This week, we have visitors staying with us from South Korea, I start a small group women’s Bible study in our home, and I have a busy week at work. There is too much for me to lose sight of the big picture by life’s disruptions from this storm. So I choose today to praise You again, Lord. I praise You that You are here with me and that You do not forsake those who trust in You. I do praise You in this storm and praise You for Your lovingkindness toward me. I know that You are enough and all I need, so I may say with the psalmist, “Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise You.”
Praise Proclaimer 