Author: Carolyn

I am a Christian, a sinner saved by God's amazing grace. Much like my life, my blog is a work in progress. The main objective I have for this blog is to "proclaim the praises" of the One who called me out of darkness and into His marvelous light! (1 Peter 2:9)

Weakness and Self Humiliation

Carolyn

Tuesday was perhaps the lowest moment of my entire “professional” life.

I’ve struggled to think if perhaps there’s been a worse moment for me in all my years of working, but only one can even compete (and that’s a story all unto itself… litigation involving accusations that pesticides required a family to abandon their home led to a document production at the abandoned house in East Texas back in the spring 1994… we wandered through a football size field of grass up to my waist… opposing counsel was there zipped into the most enormous yellow protective suit — to protect him from the snakes and pesticides… I’m there with our 2 laywers calling it all bunk, and I’m hoping they’re right as the other lawyer questions them about taking me into that house for documents given that I’m of childbearing age! By the time I had wandered through those fields, scared to death of snakes, wondering how I got dragged into this, my allergies kicked in, and my nose ran, my eyes watered, I sneezed again and again, and I had not so much as a tissue for the next couple of hours. I sat on the porch of that dusty, abandoned house trying to control all this, while the lead lawyer says to me in disbelief, “What’s WRONG with you?” “Allergies,” I answer. Truth is, I don’t even really have allergies, but anyone who wades in waist deep grass for a stretch in the hot Texas sun can develop them immediately, I found.). I realize that was a long parenthetical, but alas, that day did not compare with this past Tuesday.

I was taking part in a video shoot. Interestingly, I had prayed at length about this. I had recently read a John Piper article on words — and so my prayer had been that the Lord would keep me humble and Himself exalted. I wanted to be guided by the double criterion Piper describes: self humiliation and Christ exaltation.

I had no idea what that prayer would lead to — true self humiliation, sheer embarrassment even, tears as I couldn’t articulate a compelling message for the video, despite probably 5 hours of preparation. We’ve yet to see if any of those words can even be used, but my suspicion is, if they are, given my complete and total inadequacy and failure, Christ alone would be able to make it something where He can be glorified.

In spite of it all, I’m thankful for it. It’s one of those moments you know God designed to be just what it was. And He revealed to me some other things I needed to know — “Cease striving,” I felt. “Quit trying so hard to be all things here. Be about the other things I’m called to be.”

Should I blog about my single worst moment? I don’t know. I’ve already been so reduced, it seems of little consequence to share it on my blog. I guess I like the fact that God uses the weak; He gives us His strength even when we can’t see it; and He is sovereign and purposeful. So I praise Him for these things today!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Carolyn

Hebrews 13:15 “Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name.”

I’m a day late. But how can I hope to give praise to the Lord through this blog and skip this holiday of giving thanks? It was a great week having family in town, going to a school praise night on Tuesday, going to a Thanksgiving eve service at church on Wednesday, and celebrating Thanksgiving with extended family yesterday. What a full few days it has been!

How can I measure the fullness of what God has done and for which I should be thankful? For starters, I think of the amazing list in Ephesians 1 & 2 of what is ours through Christ; in Him, I am:

loved,
blessed,
chosen,
adopted,
accepted,
redeemed,
forgiven,
predestined,
sealed with the Spirit,
called,
rich,
given grace,

and I have:

obtained an inheritance,
been brought near by His blood,
been made alive,
been raised up with Christ,
been seated with Christ in the heavenlies, and
been given access by one Spirit to the Father.

My mind can’t totally comprehend, my eyes don’t often clearly see, and my heart too often fails to even acknowledge it. I too often sit “full, but unfulfilled,” a phrase I just picked up from a book called Making All Things New by Henri Nouwen. Nouwen suggests we are full, meaning busy with our lives, yet unfulfilled, as in bored or depressed in the midst of our being busy.

Nouwen urges his reader to seek the things above and His kingdom, and set our hearts on Christ through the spiritual disciplines of solitude and community.

Solitude. Time alone with God in a small room or area of a room or prayer closet where we close out the distractions, begin reading Scripture, pray, and allow ourselves to hear the voice of God’s Spirit. Even just 10 minutes a day — it can be in small doses, but needs to be consistent & regular. It’s something we can dread to start until we begin to see what God does through time spent with Him.

I need to go back to cultivating the discipline of solitude. (Although since “solitude” is about being alone, I guess it’s not really solitude since the Lord is there!) But time with Him to read the Bible and pray and let His Spirit lead and speak.

I find I am forgetful, just as the Israelites of old were. Thus the many reminders throughout Scripture to “remember:” “Remember what great things He has done for you.” I want to remember. I want to meditate on His greatness and power, on who He is, and on who I am because of Him.

And in remembering His great mercy and love, lavishly poured out on me through Christ, I want to give Him thanks and praise Him today and always.

My Hope Is in the Lord

Carolyn

Today I feel full of praise and joy at the fact that my hope is in the Lord.

A group of ladies from work have been going through Beth Moore’s Psalms of Ascent study. The title of this week’s study was “My Hope Is in the Lord.” Psalm 130 and 131 encourage us to put our hope in the Lord and in His word. What perfect timing to reflect on that this last week.

One morning this week, after studying these psalms and focusing on the Lord being my hope, I went to the kitchen to fix lunches. I turned on the radio, and Chris Tomlin’s song, Jesus Messiah, was playing. I realized that though I had spent quiet time with the Lord, I hadn’t knelt down that morning to Him, so with that beautiful song playing, it seemed a good time to kneel before Him. As I did and started singing with the song, I realized the words I was saying, “All our HOPE is in You, LORD, All our HOPE is in You, LORD, all the glory to You, LORD…”

Then this morning, when I awoke and went to the kitchen, I flipped on the radio, and they were giving the election update. They then immediately played “Jesus Messiah”: “All our HOPE is in You, LORD, All our HOPE is in You, LORD.” Perfect timing, perfect reminder.

One other neat thing… for the last few days, a hymn has been flowing through my head. I thought the words might begin with “My Hope is in the Lord,” but it wasn’t familiar enough to know. I just now thought to look it up because it’s flowing through my head again, and yes, I found it, and here is what it tells me:

“My hope is in the Lord
Who gave Himself for me,
And paid the price of all my sin at Calvary.

Refrain: For me He died,
For me He lives,
And everlasting life and light He freely gives.

No merit of my own
His anger to suppress.
My only hope is found in Jesus’ righteousness.

And now for me He stands
Before the Father’s throne.
He shows His wounded hands
and names me as His own.

His grace has planned it all,
‘Tis mine but to believe,
And recognize His work of love and Christ receive.”

All our HOPE is in You, LORD. You are Jesus Messiah. You hold our lives and our futures. You have a purpose and plan. I trust You. And I love You. Praise You, Lord!

Sovereign God

Carolyn

I’ve been thinking a lot about the election in recent weeks.

  • I’m thankful for a Sovereign God who is seated on the throne in the heavens and whose kingdom rules over all (Psalm 103:19).
  • I’m thankful to know that He alone raises up and brings down leaders and rulers (Daniel 2:21).
  • I’m thankful that He alone can do all things, and that nothing is too hard for Him (Jeremiah 32.17).
  • I’m thankful that He alone is great and worthy of all praise (Psalm 145:3), worthy as the Lamb who was slain to receive all power, wealth, wisdom, strength, honor, glory, and praise (Rev. 5:12).
  • I’m thankful that He sets my feet on the Rock (Psalm 40:2) and keeps me secure.
  • In Him, I have complete confidence and hope, and I have no cause for fear.
  • He is my Rock, fortress, deliverer, strength, salvation, and shield (II Samuel 22; Psalm 18).
  • He will not forsake those who trust in Him (Psalm 9:10).

I’m thankful that tonight, the Lord knows the outcome of tomorrow. He knows the beginning from the end, and He is not surprised. May His good and perfect will be done.

When I got on here tonight, I was wanting to write about abortion. A few friends have stirred my soul with their comments the last weeks. I wanted to write about how I studied it in high school. How we learned how early a baby can feel. How I learned about the lies women are told. How I have heard their sorrows and feel grieved by this reality.

I wanted to write about how I had a life threatening pregnancy. How I had a daughter born, small and frail, but fully formed and beautiful at 27 weeks. How I saw those babies in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit who were born during the 2nd trimester — and they were living and breathing. How I used to wonder what someone would do if someone walked in the NICU and tried to end their lives! How it would be ok to do that if they were under the cover of their mother’s tummy still. What an unbelievable horror! What an unbelievable sorrow! Can this be real? They could feel. They could move and breathe. They are created in God’s image, knit together by Him in their mothers’ wombs, fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139). Who will speak for them? Who will cast a vote for life? Who will give them a choice?

There are certainly many other issues to consider in this election, but I hope we won’t too quickly step past this one. That we won’t allow the openness of our minds to veil our eyes and close our hearts to this atrocious practice.

For those of us who may be one-issue voters, of the likes of William Wilberforce who labored his entire adult life against slavery, I pray when this election is over, no matter the outcome, that we will find ways to support the pro-life movement with more than a single vote every 4 years. That we will contact our local crisis pregnancy center and see what we can do. That we will give money or time or prayers or thoughts to this and actively seek God for ways He would have us be involved, be they small or big.

I got on here to write about that, about abortion. But when I started writing, the truth of His Word, hidden in my heart, began to flow out, and I felt peace. Peace like a river. Peace about tomorrow. Peace because my Savior lives and rules.

Praising Him with Psalms and Songs

Carolyn

I just had an interesting follow up to a blog entry I wrote earlier. I had written about my friend praying a psalm for my husband a year or two ago, then him waking up in the night a couple of weeks after that feeling led to that psalm.

My daughter writes constantly (she is 8). I often walk over and find a poem or story or card she has put together all by herself. The other day, I found her, and she had just made a card for me and one for my husband. There was a verse on both of them. She apparently had decided to go through the Bible and randomly choose a verse for each of us. She chose a verse in Malachi for me. For my husband, she chose the first verse of that very same psalm! Out of all the verses in the Bible, that is the one she chose. I have to say, if I were my husband, I’d be giving that psalm some pretty close attention!

On another note, I started the Beth Moore Stepping Up Bible study on the Psalms of Ascent last week with some friends from work. The whole video this week was about song in Scripture and how that speaks to our heart. I’d never seen this in Scripture that much (that song accompanied creation, that God rejoices over you with singing, that Jesus will sing praises in the presence of the Father, etc.). It is its own language, and things can be expressed in song in ways that words cannot.

I find that to be so true. Praising God in song lifts our minds to higher places and even can change a bad mood to good or wrong thinking to right. I want to practice that this week and see again what God can do through praising Him and choosing to think on things above.